Releasing Expectations

Autumn woman at the park throwing leaves in the air

Autumn is traditionally a time of harvest. We reap the benefits of what we planted in the spring and prepare to hibernate for winter. For me, the seasons have often become reversed. We bought the building for Songbird in fall of 2012 and opened the store in fall of 2014. Neither of these were planned activities. No seeds had been planted in the spring along those lines. Fall can be a time to look at your attachments and let go of expectations.

By practicing this, you allow new ideas to flow without being blocked by your beliefs about what is possible. You know your ideas are on the right track when they manifest easily. Songbird’s move went smoothly and so did the store opening. However, that does not mean there were not many unexpected challenges. Each obstacle allowed me to find a new and better way of doing things. I had to let go of expectations.

Holiday gatherings are also a great place for releasing expectations. As you start to make plans for the holidays, you will probably find a whole host of beliefs that arise about what they should look like: “I should spend it with family.” “I have no family to spend it with.” “Uncle John shouldn’t get drunk.” “Aunt Helen shouldn’t be so obnoxious.” “My parents shouldn’t criticize my lifestyle.” “I always eat too much.”…

What if you could simply let go of any of those beliefs and realize that you have 100% choice over what your holiday looks like? There is no right or wrong or good or bad choice. Your relatives can behave just the way they are and you can still love them. You can choose to spend the holiday with them or not, but they have the right to behave just as they choose. You can respect their choices even if they don’t respect yours. The only one you report to is you – not the you of “should’s” and judgments, but the you of unconditional love.

My favorite Christmas was the Christmas I chose to spend holed up in my house in personal retreat. I had just moved to Frogsong Cohousing in October of that year and had separated earlier in the year from my then-husband. I could have spent the holiday miserable because it was the first Christmas away from my son since his birth. Instead I relished having several days of quiet time – the longest time that I had had to myself since his birth. I took the time to reflect on where I wanted to be heading with my life and to release the beliefs that no longer served me. I was in the midst of the second year of the deep releasing & recreating of my life during my three-year Toltec Dreaming training program with  don Miguel Ruiz and Barbara Emrys.

Holidays don’t have to be about big gatherings. Spring doesn’t have to be about planting seeds. Fall doesn’t have to be about harvest. Winter doesn’t have to be hibernation. Allow each season, each person, and each object in your life to be what serves you in your life.

Many new ideas seem to be coming to the surface for me this fall and winter. I am looking forward to seeing what the remainder of fall and the upcoming winter will bring.

For those of you who desire support and community as we approach the holidays, come to our November Friday Flock Nights on Relaxation, Ending PTSD, and Holiday Empowerment.